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This Holiday Poem is No Turkey

Written by: Lea 11/24/2005 12:00:00 AM
"(The author is unknown, but I wanted to share...)

I WAS A YOUNG TURKEY, NEW TO THE COOP,
AND BIG BROTHER MIKE TOOK ME OUT ON THE STOOP.
HE SAT ME DOWN AND SPOKE REALLY SLOW,
HE SAID THERE WAS SOMETHING I NEEDED TO KNOW.
HIS LOOK AND HIS TONE I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER
AS HE SPOKE OF THE HORRORS OF ... BLACK NOVEMBER.
"COME ABOUT AUGUST, NOW LISTEN TO ME,
EACH DAY YOU'LL GET SIX MEALS INSTEAD OF JUST THREE.
AND SOON YOU'LL BE THICK, WHERE ONCE YOU WERE THIN,
AND A RUBBERY THING WILL HANG UNDER YOUR CHIN.
AND ONE COLD MORNING WHEN YOU'RE WARM IN YOUR BED,
IN'LL BURST THE FARMER'S WIFE, AND HACK OFF YOUR HEAD.
THEN SHE'LL PLUCK ALL YOUR FEATHERS SO YOU'RE BALD 'N PINK
AND SCOOP OUT YOUR INSIDES AND LEAVE YOU IN THE SINK.
AND THEN COMES THE WORST PART," HE SAID NOT BLUFFING,
"SHE'LL SPREAD YOUR CHEEKS, AND PACK YOU WITH STUFFING."
WELL, THE REST OF HIS WORDS WERE TOO GRIM TO REPEAT.
AND I SAT ON THE STOOP LIKE A WINGED PIECE OF MEAT!
I DECIDED RIGHT THEN TO AVOID BEING COOKED,
SO I'D HAVE TO LAY LOW, AND REMAIN OVERLOOKED.
I BEGAN A NEW DIET OF NUTS AND GRANOLA,
HIGH ROUGHAGE SALADS, JUICE, DIET COLA.
OTHER GOBBLERS ATE PASTRIES, CHOCOLATES AND CREPES,
BUT I STAYED IN MY ROOM DOING JANE FONDA TAPES.
I MAINTAINED MY WEIGHT OF TWO POUNDS AND A HALF
AND TRIED NOT TO NOTICE WHEN BIGGER BIRDS LAUGHED.
BUT 'TWAS I WHO WAS LAUGHING, UNDER MY BREATH,
AS THEY CHOMPED AND THEY CHEWED, EVER CLOSER TO DEATH.
AND SURE ENOUGH, WHEN THAT DAY ROLLED AROUND,
I WAS THE ONLY BIRD REMAINING IN THE WHOLE COMPOUND!
SO NOW I'M A PET IN THE FARMER'S WIFE'S LAP,
I HAVEN'T A WORRY, SO I EAT AND I NAP.
SHE HELD ME TODAY, WHILE SEWING AND HUMMING
AND SMILED AS SHE SAID..." CHRISTMAS IS COMING."

HOPE YOU HAVE WONDERFUL HOLIDAYS!

"
 




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