Fun 'n Games
The brainteasers, word plays and fun videos below will amuse and amaze! Keep checking, as we regularly add new ones.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
> Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll > down.
> The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, > and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do > simple things in an overly complicated way.
> 2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
> Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close > the refrigerator?
> Wrong Answer.
> Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in > the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think > through the repercussions of your previous actions.
> 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals ?
> attend .... Except one. ? Which animal does not attend?
> Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. > You just put him in there. ?This tests your memory. Okay, even if > you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still > have one more chance to show your true abilities.
> 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and
> you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
> Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you > not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal > Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
> According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the > Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many > preschoolers got several correct answers. ? Anderson Consulting > says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals > do not have the brains of a four-year-old.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran
A backward poet writesÂ inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
When cannibals ate a clown they said it tasted funny.
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Psycho rapist runs away from crime---Nut, screws and bolts.
Make your own art.Â Click and change colors.Â C'mon, you can do it.Â Waste hours of your work day!!! . http://www.jacksonpollock.org/
Want to Find Out How Many People Have Your Name?
Fun Online Games
Â OK, listen up. Take the pen and draw a face on your pumpkin. Press "done" and watch it light up.
Pumpkin Simulator: http://www.coasttocoastam.com/timages/page/pumpkin_sim.html>
A Different Kind of Gymnastics. Enjoy!
Do you know the number one song the day you were born? Click below:
The top 10 oldest jokes in the world can be viewed at www.dave-tv.co.uk
Watch the Pilobilous Dance Troupe. Fantastic:
Â Iâ€™m almost as impressed by the guys handling the bar â€“ they control the upward thrust and rebound as well as allow the landings.
Solitaire! Click below:
For those of you too young to remember
click on link below:
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders Â the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): the substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. the bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Q) Why do you use 239 beans in bean salad?
A) Because one more bean would be too farty!
Q) What's black and white and red?
A) A nun in a blender
Q) What do you get when you cross 50 female pigs with 50 male deer?
A) 100 sows 'n bucks
Q) What's red and green and goes round and round real fast?.
A) A frog in a blender
Test your reaction time with this special test.
Tic Tac Toe Squares
Click on the above link and choose easy to difficult math problems to play tic-tac-toe against the computer. A good way to brush up on basic math skills and have fun, too.
The ten first place winners in an International Pun Contest:
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my Electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to Spain, they name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
This large collection of vintage NYC photos is remarkable. Don'tÂ look at them if you're in a rush; they are meant to be savoured.
This is Literally Awesome -- Outer Space Art
somewhere in time
Prank on a 'Grand' Scale
Over 200 people gathered at Grand Central Station in New York to pull off a 'frozen in place' act.The onlooking travelers who weren't part of the act were mystified as to
what was going on.
Click Here: for 'Frozen in Grand Central Station'
The Great Le Woogie
This one can make a complete fool of you. After you've tried it several times if you haven't
figured it out yourself, the answer is on our SL message board. Pass it on to those poor unsuspecting friends who love magic. Be ready to explain how Le Woogie does this,
'cause they're going to ask!
'Le Woogie' Card Trick. Performed by: Le Woogie
Pick one of the following cards. Don't click on it; just keep it in your head.
Scroll down when you have your card.
Think about your card for 20 seconds in front of Le Woogie.
Woogie will attempt to read your mind!
Scroll down after 20 seconds.
The Great Le Woogie Has Removed Your Card!
Scary isn't it? Now scroll up and do it again; it will freak you out, again!
The Link Below is Short and Interesting
Okay you brainiacs, here's a startling brain teaser for you. What nine- letter word in the English language is still a word when each of the nine letters is removed one by one?
Take a few minutes to try and come up with a nine letter word. Then scroll down.
It's startling. Try it if you have some time. See WordRiddle.mwv.(2.1MB) for the details.
Baby Boomers, This Link is for You!
Cat Lovers, Click Below at Your Own Risk
Chinese Food Song
Senior Moment Song
Menopause Singing Video -- Funny!
An Unusual Cosmetics Ad from European and UK TVÂ
HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands .HEMA also has stores in Belgium , Luxemburg, and Germany
Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but . . . just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer.
Have your sound on, and click on : http://producten.hema.nl/
Right Brain/Left Brain
If you see this woman turning in clockwise motion you are using your right brain. If you see it the other way, you are using left brain. Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.
See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current. Both directions can be seen.
Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:
Left Brain/Right Brain
Looks at parts/ Looks at wholes
Most individuals have a distinct preferene for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain ones. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.
Fun Facts (an ongoing, updated list)
Daffy Duck's middle name is "Dumas"
Betty Boop is a red head. She appeared in her only color cartoon, Cinderella, with red hair
Think you can fly a helicopter? Click on the link below and give it a whirl!
Virtual European Geography Game
Play virtual pilot with Lufthansa and see how many destinations you can find within 10 seconds. Lots of fun!
Serious, for a Change
Identity theft! This is a 3 1/2 minute video produced by the Broward County, FL Sheriff's Office. Identity thieves are at it again, this time targeting people pumping gas. The footage of the actual crime being committed is shocking. Please take heed and pass it along to friends, families and coworkers . Click on the link below... http://video.sheriff.org/psa_cartheft.shtml
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce andhammers don't ham.
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking
English should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send
cargo by ship. We have noses that
run and feet that smell. And how can a slim
chance and a fat chance
be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of
a language in which your house can burn up as
it burns down, in whichyou fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which an
alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop?
And that is just the beginning--
even though this is the end!
Have fun AND help the world, grain by grain. Click and check the following game out!
The owner of this bird didn't teach him to dance. He just does it on his own. Turn your sound up ... This is just amazing!
Increase Your Brain Power by Mouse
Want more brain power? Who doesn't! But who knew it could be as simple as using your other hand to control your computer mouse?
By switching your mouse and mouse pad to the other side you'll be forcing yourself to use your non-dominant hand, which means all the information will go through your brain in a different way and the neurological connections between the two halves of your brain will get stronger. Research has shown that ambidextrous people have (on average) 10% more nerve fibers joining the two halves of their brain together.
"Otters Holding Hands" --adorable and unusual
For all you traveling solo women, take this fun quiz about:
Dining Out In The World
Music & Memories of The 1960s
This is the best presentation of the 1960s online. Just turn up your speakers, click on the link and sit back and enjoy the memories:
Take Me Back To The Sixties
Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?
Now, think broadly about it...write down as many as you can. Then, scroll down .... you'll be surprised that there are thousands!
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, an unknown number of hares.
And of course ... "meow!"
Your Visual DNA
When you link on -- a series of about 12 pictures will come up -- click on a photo in that category. Just continue to keep picking the pics that appeal to you after reading the category.
At the end it will give you a profile of yourself!
When low on the horizon, the Moon can appear to be larger than when it's higher in the sky. It's all an illusion, scientists say, and it does not involve any enlarging effects of the atmosphere. Rather, it's all in your mind.
Here's how it works:
Our brains think things on the horizon are farther away than stuff overhead, because we're used to seeing overhead clouds that are close compared to those on the horizon. In the mind's eye, the sky is a flattened dome.
We expect something on the horizon (such as the moon) to be farther, and because it is actually no farther than when overhead, our brains goof and imagine that it is larger.
Skeptical? You can test this from home.
When the moon first rises, hold something small like the eraser of a pencil at arms length and compare its size to the moon on the horizon. Do the same a couple hours later when the moon is higher. Or try this: Take a picture of the moon in both positions, then cut, paste and compare. Another trick: Make a tube from rolled-up paper so the opening is just slightly larger than the moon when it rises. Tape the tube so the size stays fixed, then check later to see if the moon has changed sizes.
Verbal Play (Can you pun, too?)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me./Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest./The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference./To write with a broken pencil is pointless./When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate./The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large./A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months./A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal./Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking./We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply./When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A./The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it./The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground./The dead batteries were given out free of charge./If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory./Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist? They fought tooth and nail./What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)/A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired./Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana./A backward poet writes inverse./In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes./A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion./With her marriage she got a new name and a dress./Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner./When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds./The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered./A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart./You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it./He broke into song because he couldn't find the key./A calendar's days are numbered./A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine./A boiled egg is hard to beat./He had a photographic memory which was never developed./A plateau is a high form of flattery./Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end./When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall./When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye./Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis./Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses./Acupuncture: a jab well done./Did you hear about the little old lens maker who fell into his machine? He made a spectacle of himself./The Cockney bulimic goes to the barfroom.
TYPE IN a command and see what happens...such as sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead, etc.; it's also cute if you type in a command that's not recognized! ( Make sure you type in "kiss" too, but do it last. It takes a while but you will eventually get really BIG sloppy ones!)
Google Maps has a sense of humor....
Click on "Get Directions"
From box: enter "New York"
To box: enter "London"
Get directions and scroll to step 23.
This will stump you:
1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number
(NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer?
Can You Read This?
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Think you can you fly a helicopter? Okay, go ahead and give it your best shot. Click on the helicopter, hold the left mouse key down to go up and release the key to go down. But take heed, if you start with this thing...it'll drive you nuts!! Click on the site below:
More Fun with Puns: Can You Make Some Up?
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo ooked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)
Scroll down slowly. Think like a wizard . . . The questions are in red, the answers in blue. Stay on the red until you need all the answers, at the end.
feet feet feet feet feet feet
9. he's X himself
11. death life
1. Ans. = man overboard; 2. Ans. = I understand; 3.Ans. = reading between the lines; 4. Ans. = cross road; 5. Ans. = tricycle; 6. Ans.= two degrees below zero; 7. (neon light; 8. Ans. = six feet underground; 9. Ans. = he's by himself; 10. Ans. = backward glance; 11. Ans. = life after death; 12. Ans. = think big ! !; 13. Ans. = Â long time no 'C'
Watching Art Created in a Minute
This artist draws a solo(?)lady from the inside out. Watch the whole thing -- fascinating: Click here
2006 Darwin Awards
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in
its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 30" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for reasons unknown, inserted into his rectum and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and his balls were the weakest link.Sanchez's balls ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez
was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce because of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
It's not in English, but just watch the trick. It's awesome!!!!!
Click here: glumbert.com | Cyril has a fishy card trick
(Real) Silly Warnings Found on Instructions
Can you make some others up?
"Brain freeze may occur." In a comical take on warning labels gone mad, Slurpee cups at 7-Eleven were stamped with this tongue-in-check warning. The convenience store registered the term "brain freeze" in 1994 to communicate the painful joy of drinking a frozen Slurpee.
"Never try to catch a falling knife." There's a Wall Street adage: "Never try to catch a falling knife." It means that it's both dangerous and foolhardy to buy a stock that's falling. I guess one maker of kitchen knives wanted to make certain this old saying was taken literally, too.
"Pepper spray may irritate eyes." Pepper spray is often purchased by folks looking for a means of personal self-defense. The product's sole purpose is to irritate the eyes when sprayed into the eyes of an attacker. Let's hope if you get mugged, the warning proves itself true.
"Never iron clothes while they are being worn." OK, now that women have hair straighteners called flat irons, and they don't have to take a household iron to their hair like they did in the '70s, there is absolutely no reason to put a hot iron anywhere near your body. Scorching Metal+ Skin = Bad
"Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." It's great when you can buy a multi-use product, but when it comes to a thermometer that can be used in either 'end', please pick a place and stick with it. (No pun intended.) Enough said, right?
"Do not drive with sunshield in place."So you bought one of those cardboard sunshields to cover your car's front windshield and cool your car's interior. Smart thinking. Driving without removing it first? Not so smart. Hey, you've been warned.
"Do not use toilet brush for personal hygiene." This gross warning won the top prize for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year in 2005. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) hosts the contest each year.
"Never use hair dryer while sleeping." Instructions for the Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer.
"Not intended for use as a dental drill." In 2001, an e-mail circulated claiming a man, hurt while trying to scratch his nose with a power drill, was suing a drill maker since the product lacked a warning not to put the drill in any bodily orifice. The story was untrue, but maybe this got drill companies thinking?
The Boy Who Can Read Your Mind! Enjoy the Fabulous Illusion!
Take your time and follow the instructions. After reading each window, "click" on the boy in the lower right corner.
Philosophy of Hypocrisy and Ambiguity
---Can you add any other odd and witty thoughts?
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities and threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to start speaking?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ATMs?
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one member of a synchronized swim team drowns, do the rest drown too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have "s" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance coverage for acts of God?
Lateral Thinking: A-Provoking Riddle
Many years ago in a small village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.
The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry the farmer's daughter.
Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.
So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.
1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife, and her
father's debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him, and her father's debtÂ would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.
They were standing on a pebble-strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.
Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?
Careful analysis produces three possibilities:
1.The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.
Take a moment to ponder the story. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with
traditional logical thinking.Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers. So what would you recommend the girl to do?
Well, here is what she did .....The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path, where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.
"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I chose.
Since the remaining pebble was black, it had to be assumed that she had picked the white one.
And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It's only that we don't attempt to think. Remember this thought-provoking story the next time you have an "unsolvable" problem.
Really Awful Metaphors and Analogies
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays. Here are last year's winners. Which are your top three favorites?
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Pipe Dream has been voted one of the 50 greatest animation projects ever (by 3D World magazine). Click on the link below:
The Washington Post report had a contest in which people were asked to tell Gen-Xers how much harder they had it in the old days. Can you make one up too?
- Third Place:
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
Bill Flavin, Alexandria
- Second Place:
In my day we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.
Russell Beland, Springfield
- And the winner of the velour bicentennial poster:
In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
Barry Blyveis, Columbia
- In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington
- When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had real doggie-do, and no one thought it was a damn bit funny.
Brendan Bassett, Columbia
- Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon.
Russell Beland, Springfield
- In my day, we didn't have days. There was only time for work, time for prayer and time for sleep. The sheriff would go around and tell everyone when to change.
Elden Carnahan, Laurel
- In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as strong as AAGGKK-GAAK Urrgh. Thud.
Tom Witte, Gaithersburg
- In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
Jon Patrick Smith, Washington
- In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the Silver Spring station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
Russell Beland, Springfield
- In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Diana Hugue, Bowie
- Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
- Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of grey-haired liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of grey-haired liberal 60-year-old guys.
Russell Beland, Springfield
- In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.
Sarah M. Wolford, Hanover
Master of Your Domain?
The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers rejected a proposal to create a .xxx domain. Here are some domains that might be considered next (:>), created by Jeff Johnson, for The New York Times. Can you make up some of your own?
.cat The domain of choice for the involuntarily celibate.
.sal For rotund fellows who love pizza and the people who love them.
.bun For the hot dog and sausage lobby.
.dud The Web home of secondhand fireworks commerce.
.wah The preferred suffix for sites that feature copious MPEG's of guitar solos.
.bub For fan sites dedicated to William Frawley, who played Bub O'Casey on "My Three Sons."
.sod For English inebriates who also dabble in landscaping, or, just, you know, mow lawns for booze money. Expect these Web sites to lay fallow during the World Cup.
.ehh For sites that, ehh, never mind.
.wha For scholars of Thomas Pynchon's "V."
.rub For masseuses and masseurs.
.ewe For shepherds only!
.lie For dating Web sites that do not require accurate photos of the individuals who sign up.
.pip For Web sites that, at first glance, appear to be amusing, but really aren't.
.rug Connoisseurs of wigs, toupees, hair plugs and comb-overs belong here.
.gel The Internet home for men who use too much hair-styling product.
.pi If you're into math, please register your Web site as a .pi. That way we'll know to avoid you.
.tug Finally, a destination for the millions, if not billions, of tug-of-war aficionados in cyberspace.
.mom For moms, as well as for sites containing more than three recipes involving tuna and/or French fried onions. Will double as a landing spot for collectors of Hummel figurines or little ceramic snow-roofed Christmas villages.
.dad For sites that are too busy working to come to your school play.
.sap The site of choice for big lugs who weep during their stories.
.zit Real pimple advice for real teenagers. Sponsored by Snickers and Clearasil.
a. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
b. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
c. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
d. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
e. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.
100 Fascinating, Trivial Facts from Ed_88's Web Site
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications).
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable".
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. (And perhaps the most important.)
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore, when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law that stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."
Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
Until the St. Louis Rams won their first Super Bowl in 2000, no NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium had ever won a Super Bowl.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.
There are coffee-flavored PEZ.
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die throughout the movie.
The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.
The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.
Internationally, "Baywatch" is the most popular TV show in history. Wonder why?!
Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball.
If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis." The only other word with the same amount of letters is "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses," its plural.
Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula."
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older
The band Duran Duran got their name from an astronaut in the 1968 Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella."
Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth... and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd."
Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die; they need gravity to swallow.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (formerly of the Monkees).
Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with Midnight Cowboy. Her entire role lasted only six minutes.
Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight.
Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.
Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The Skipper's real name on "Gilligan" is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio's newscast about the wreck.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to participate in the debates. However, his job is to control the debates and to determine who can speak and when. Therefore, the speaker probably ends up saying more than anyone else in the House of Commons.
Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
The "L.L." in L.L. Bean stands for Leon Leonwood.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.
A walla-walla scene is one where extras pretend to be talking in the background -- when they say "walla-walla" it looks like they're actually talking.
Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.
Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.
To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs... it will let you go instantly.
Reindeer like to eat bananas.
The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope stretched across the bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable sleep.
"Three dog night" (attributed to Australian aborigines) came about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.
A Libyan Riddle
Three contestants are in a race, running 100 yards carrying a bag of rats, evenly and randomly distributed in similar bags. The first woman sets off at a good pace, but after 30 yards the rats chew through the bag and spill onto the ground. The second woman gets to 60 yards, and the same thing happens. The third woman finishes the race without even one rat chewing through the bag. What did she do? (Answer in SL Messages section.)
Click below for a serious video game:
Solo Lady Stumpers
See how many you can answer correctly. They are challenging. If you get five correct you are a solo lady expert!
(For answers to most games, including this one, scroll down to the very bottom of the page.)
1. From 1960-2005, how many First Ladies became solo ladies, outliving
their Presidential husbands? a) 2, b) 3, c) 4, d) 5
2. Which mysterious solo-lady actress from the early days of movies
uttered the famed words, "I want to be alone"? a) Joan Crawford, b) Jean Harlow, c) Greta Garbo, d) Bette Davis
3. Which South American country currently has a president who is a
solo lady? a) Brazil, b) Peru, c) Chile, 4) Argentina
4. Which of these figure-skating medalists is a solo lady? a) Nancy Kerrigan, b) Dorothy Hamill, c) Peggy Fleming, d) Kristi Yamaguchi
5. Solo lady Angelina Jolie has a tattoo on her tummy. What does it say? a) I love Brad (in French), b) Don't mess with me!, c) What nourishes me destroys me (in Latin), d) Hillary for 2008.
6. Which major cabinet position in the Executive Branch has been filled by two solo ladies in the last 10 years? a) Secretary of the Treasury, b) Secretary of State, c) Secretary of Interior, d) Secretary of Defense
7. Which solo lady is both an accomplished actress and director? a) Carrie Fisher, b) Nicole Kidman, c) Jennifer Aniston, d) Jodie Foster
8. Which solo lady won the National Book Award for 2005 for her memoir about dealing with widowhood? a) Joan Didion, b) Toni Morrison, c) Joyce Carol Oates, d) Marilyn Robinson
9. Which solo lady scores highest on most "most-admired women" lists? a) Nancy Reagan, b) Eleanor Roosevelt, c) Katherine Graham, d) Eudora Welty
10. Which solo lady poet, with many lovers, wrote about "burning the candle at both ends"? a) Edna St. Vincent Millay, b) Emily Dickenson, c) Sylvia Plath, d) Erica Jong.
Dopey Questions With No Answers. Can You Think of Some More?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered "assassinated" instead of just "murdered"?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts?" Where has that extra penny gone?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did "cured" ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you "in" a movie, but you're "on" TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Now, can you think of five more dopey questions? If so, share them with SL!
Fun with Puns
Guess which puns fit in the question marks, and write them on a separate paper. Then check the answers at the
bottom of the game. If you select more than 10 right, congrats, you're a really PUNNY solo
A good pun is its own re-(?).
The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with (?).
A pessimist's blood type is always b-(?).
Practice safe eating -- always use (?).
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean (?)
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or (?).
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it (?)
Divorce is the mourning after the night (?) before.
A hangover is the wrath of (?).
Sea captains don't like (?) cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a (?)?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over (?).
A gossip is someone with a great sense of (?)
When you dream in color, it's a (?) of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well (?)
A man's home is his castle, in a (?) of speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same (?) as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an (?) for an (?).
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a (?) giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes (?).
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your (?) votes.
A chicken crossing the road is (?) in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get (?)
With her marriage, she got a new name and a (?). When a clock is hungry, it
goes back (?) seconds.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't (?) it.
Even a calendar's days are (?).
A lot of money is tainted. It (?) yours and it (?) mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to (?).
He had a photographic memory that was never (?).
Those who jump off Paris bridge are in (?).
When an actress saw her first
strands of gray hair, she thought she'd (?).
Bakers trade bread recipes on a (?)-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate (?).
Acupuncture is a (?) well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of (?)
word/battery/negative/condiments/your mother/ death/ folded/ knot/grapes/lines
/crew /bell/ platter/rumor/pigment/red/manor/mustard/I/dead/inverse/count/poultry/repossessed/dress/four/
Can You Read The Following Words Right the First Time?
Think of your English teachers, sit back and enjoy. Your understanding of the English language might improve.
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
English is a Crazy Language
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which are not sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers do not fing, grocers do not groce and hammers do not ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, is the plural of booth, beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
You can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, do preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Golf Trivia Game...click on:
Which two-letter word has more meanings than any other two-letter word? "UP"
It is easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary towrite UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so . . . Time to shut UP...
And, by the way, what is the first thing you do in the morning and the
last thing you do at night? U.P!
The Fairness Game
The game involves two people, A and B, and 10 coins. A and B sit across from each other at a table. A starts out with all 10 coins. A places some in front of B. B is asked by a referee whether or not B will accept what A allocated. If B says yes, both keep their respective number of coins. If B says no, neither gets anything.
In theory, if A pushes 1 or 2 coins towards B, B is better off than having nothing, so B will say yes. But this does not happen in the real world. Try this game with someone (no comment beforehand), and see.
In the real world, we reject anything that does not feel fair. (Typically, allocating less than 4 coins.) Greed is punished. And people are even willing to endure pain or suffer to punish those they deem to be unfair. It seems to be universal. Even with monkeys. Researchers trained primates to pay for cucumbers (which they like) with rock tokens. The researchers would put two monkeys next to each other. After the first monkey traded its rock for a cucumber slice, it would see the other monkey hand over its rock.
But this is the twist: the second monkey would get a tastier treat (like a sweet grape) for the same rock. Monkeys who saw the second monkey get the same thing were happy with their own cucumber slice. But the other ones felt unhappy seeing the second monkey get a better deal (or exchange rate) than they did, and would either not eat, refuse to play another round, or sometimes hurl the cucumber with great might!
There is a phenomenon called inequity aversion. We like to play nice. We prefer fairness and justice. And we like things split up between people fairly. And being the irrational animals we are, we do not like it when co-workers get more than we do if it does not seem deserved. Scientists have notably found that people are happier when they make $100,000
while their co-workers are making $80,000 than if they were to make $160,000
but their co-workers are making $200,000. Happiness, it seems, is relative.
Watch the Wind Direction! Click on...
Late 20th Century Pop Culture Quiz
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this. If you're
under 40 you can claim a handicap. Get paper and pencil, and number from 1 to
20. Write the letter of each answer, and score at the end.
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches
located? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For
what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. Sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding
and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance? a. Blackjack b. G c. Craps!
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing! stockings
when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't
tell whether it was coming or going? a. Studebaker b. Nash Metro c. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used? a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached
to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot c. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo
11. What was the dreaded disease in the 1940's? a. Smallpox b. AIDS c. Polio
12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey" a. SUV b. Taxi c. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony? a. Old Blue b. Paint c. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill? a. Part of the game of hide and seek b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores c. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show? a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring b. Princess Sacajawea c. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests
were handed out in school? a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs ou! t the window c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases? a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________? a. Meatballs b. Dames c. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a
hit? a. The Ink Spots b. The Supremes c. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco? a. Tony Bennett b. Xavier Cugat c. George Gershwin
1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular
in Europe, took till the late '60's to catch on. 2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing.Â Who had a steam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle
top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the
back of the leg with eyebrow pencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water. 8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring
around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo. 11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies
and other public gathering places were closed to try toÂ prevent spread of
the disease. 12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight! 13. c) Macaroni. 14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in
an A-bomb ! drill. 15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring.Â She was another puppet. 16.. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high. 17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household
items at the Green Stamp store. 18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free. 19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots. 20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today..
17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental
abilities. (Now if you could only find your glasses.)Â Definitely someone who
should share your wisdom!
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there!
0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.
Weird Coincidences from Beyond Coincidence, by Martin Plimmer
and Brian King
A Canadian farmer named McDonald has the postal code EIEIO.
A bank robber who, hitting the same bank and the same teller a second time,
escaped because the bank guard and the managers were in a back office reviewing
videotapes of the first robbery.
A woman in Alabama decided to visit her sister. Her sister, unbeknownst to her,
decided the same. They hit each other head-on on a rural highway. Both died.
And both drove Jeeps.
Roy Cleveland Sullivan, a Virginia forest ranger was struck by lightning seven
An ice dealer was named I. C. Shivers.
Mrs. Willard Lowell of Berkeley, Calif., discovered that she had locked herself
out of her house when the postman arrived with a letter. In the letter was
her spare front-door key, returned by her brother, who had taken it home with
him by mistake after a recent visit.
A perfect hand was dealt out to the four members of a British whist club in
1998, who each received 13 cards of a single suit.
The most painful coincidence in recorded history must go to the poet Simon
Armitage, who chanced upon a used copy of a book of his poems in a trash bin
outside a thrift store. On the title page was the following inscription, in
his own handwriting: "To Mum and Dad."
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asks readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition. Can you make up any more of these
1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting sex.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half
a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a-hole.
The Washington Post also asked readers to supply alternate meanings for
common words. Can you add some to the list?
Coffee (n.) The person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.) Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.) To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.) Impotent.
Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.) To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.) Olive-flavoured mouthwash
Flatulence (n.) Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.) A rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.) A humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.) The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon (n.) A Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when
you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent (n.) An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
A phobia is an unreasonable, strong fear of an object, class of objects, or
situation. Nearly half of all people report having a phobia, and many of these phobias
have special names.
Take a pencil and paper and see how many you know of the
following nine phobias (for answers, scroll down toÂ bottom of the pageÂ when
you finish). If you know more than two names you score above average.
If you know more than four, you are exceptional indeed.
For some real fun, create names for phobias on your own. For example, fear
of manic comedians -- JimCarreyphobia. You get it. (We hope you don't have a
phobia of Solo Lady Fun 'n Games!)
1) Fear of heights is.......
2) Fear of open spaces is.......
3) Fear of small places or being closed in is.......
4) Fear of cats is......
5) Fear of snakes is......
6) Fear of spiders is......
7) Fear of water is......
8) Fear of dirt or germs is......
9) Fear of strangers or foreigners is......
Lots of us cover up things about ourselves. Here are five examples of famous
people who felt they had something to hide. See if you know the answers, which
are at the bottom of the page. Finish answering all before you scroll down.
If you know more than two answers, you are above-average. Can you think of
any other famous people with unusual things to hide, and unusual ways to hide
1) Which U.S. president hid the fact that he was in a wheelchair?
2) Which famed blind/deaf woman replaced her eyes with vivid blue
3) Which British prime minister took lessons to lower his/her voice?
4) Which director of the FBI hid the fact that he liked to wear dresses?
5) Which actor /comedian hid a club foot?
Dog House Puzzle
Just put the puzzle together, then, wait a few seconds. Click below.
Which Movie Star Are You?
Ever wonder which movie star you're most like? Well, researchers analyzed
the personalities of movie stars. The gathered information has been incorporated
into this quiz. Answer each question with the choice that most describes you
at this point in your life, and then add up the points that correspond with
your answers.(Don't look ahead or you'll ruin the fun!)
1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two b) Amusement Park c) Rollerblading in the park d) Rock Concert e) Have dinner & see a movie f) Dinner at home with a loved one
2. What's your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll b) Alternative c) Soft Rock d) Classical e) Christian f) Jazz
3. What's your favorite type of movie? a) Comedy b) Horror c) Musical d) Romance e) Documentary f) Mystery
4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given
only these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress b) Sports Player c) Teacher d) Policeman e) Bartender f) Business person
5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste? a) Work out b) Make out c) Watch TV d) Listen to the radio e) Sleep f) Read
6. Of the following colors, which do you like the best? a) Yellow b) White c) Sky blue d) Teal e) Gold f) Red
7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now? a) Ice cream b) Pizza c) Sushi d) Pasta e) Salad f) Lobster Tail
8. Which is your favorite holiday? a) Halloween b) Christmas c) New Year's d) Valentine's Day e) Thanksgiving f) Fourth of July
9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would it
be? a) Reno b) Spain c) Las Vegas d) Hawaii e) Hollywood f) British Columbia
10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with? a) Someone who is smart b) Someone with good looks c) Someone who is a party animal d) Someone who has fun all the time e) Someone who is very emotional f) Someone who is fun to be with
Now total up your points on each question and find your character
1. a-4 b-2 c-5 d-1 e-3 f-6 2. a-2 b-1 c-4 d-5 e-3 f-6 3. a-2 b-1 c-3 d-4 e-5 f-6 4. a-4 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-1 f-6 5. a-5 b-4 c-2 d-1 e-3 f-6 6. a-1 b-5 c-3 d-2 e-4 f-6 7. a-3 b-2 c-1 d-4 e-5 f-6 8. a-1 b-3 c-2 d-4 e-5 f-6 9. a-4 b-5 c-1 d-4 e-3 f-6 10. a-5 b-2 c-1 d-3 e-4 f-6
Which star are you?
(10-17 points) You are Angelina Jolie: You are wild and crazy
and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes.
You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life.
People don't always see things your way, but that doesn't mean that you should
do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to
hurting yourself and others.
(18-26 points) You are Julia Roberts: You are fun, friendly,
and popular! You are a real crowd -pleaser. You have probably been out on the
town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother
taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you
have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.
(27-34 points) You are Renee Zellweger.You
are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the
chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings
hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep
clear of back stabbers, and you are worry-free.
(35-42 points) You are Katherine Zeta-Jones.You
are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself.
You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every
Sunday, and never forget a birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get
confused with the real thing.
(43-50 points) You are Jennifer Aniston.
You are smart. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy
in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in
them, but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.
(51-60 points) You are Oprah Winfrey. Everyone
is in awe of you. You know what you want and how to get it. You have more friends
than you know what to do with. Your word is your bond. Everyone knows when
you say something it is money in the bank. You attract the opposite sex. Your
intelligence overwhelms most. Your memory is the next thing to photographic.
Everyone admires you because you are so considerate and lovable. You know how
to enjoy life and treat people right.
Contributed by Cathy Dreilinger
The Dark and Stormy Contest
Below are the 10 winners of the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton Contest, aka the "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" run by the English Department of San Jose State University. The idea is that one writes only the first line of a purposely
awful novel. After reading these awful first lines, see if you can write one
too. You might even send your line in to the contest, and see how you do.
10. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind
in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8. "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism,
was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5. "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3. "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning
of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
And the winner is ...
1. "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"
Contributed by Peter Mellini
And Last, But Not Least, Our Solo Lady Favorite: Amazing!!
The following is guaranteed to raise an eyebrow. There's
no trick. Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a
time, as quickly as you can - don't stop to think!
Don't advance until you've finished each answer. And if you have a pen to
record the answer to each question, it would be best.
Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something; there's space
between questions, so keep going, slowly). Then, be amazed.
Think of a number from 1 to 10.
Multiply that number by 9.
If the number is a two-digit number, add the digits together.
Now subtract 5.
Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you
ended up with (1=a, 2=b, 3=c, etc.).
Think of a country that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter of the name of that country.
Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.
Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.
Your answer probably is...
A kangeroo in Denmark, eating an orange.
(If not, you're among the mere 2%
of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else!)
Contributed by Barry Diamond
Answers to Stumpers: 1. c) Jackie Kennedy, Lady Bird
Johnson, Nancy Reagan; 2. Greta Garbo; 3. Chile; 4. Dorothy Hamill; 5. c; 6. b; 7. d; 8. a; 9.b 10.a
Answers to Phobias: 1)acrophobia,2)agoraphobia. 3)claustrophobia,
4)ailurophobia, 5)ophidiophobia, 6)arachnophobia, 7)hydrophobia, 8)mysophobia,
Answers to Cover Ups: 1) FDR, 2) Helen Keller, 3) Margaret
Thatcher, 4) J. Edgar Hoover, 5) Dudley Moore